Nutrition Anthropometrics Lab and Self-esteem Ramble

We had our anthropometrics lab for my nutrition assessment class.  I went into it knowing that we would be taking measurements of the body (height, weight, body fat%, waist, etc).  I also went into it knowing that I had nothing to prove to any of the men and women in the class because (1) I'm a strong independent woman, (2) I'm older than all of them by almost a decade, (3) I have no one to impress but myself, and (4) I know my body measurements already since I record them with each workout program that I complete.

All was well too.  However, I still have body dysmorphia ad I still see myself prior to starting my weight loss and fitness journey.  The last two weeks didn't help either since I comfort ate my way through midterms and then proceeded to sample all of wares that California had to offer over Spring Break.  

I REGRET NOTHING!  However, it did add back 5lbs and an inch to my waist line...  LOL!

The one downside to come out of that lab however, is the lingering feeling that I'm not good enough because I didn't have the body I "should" have.  Should is in quotations because that body isn't the one that I want!  It's the one that the media advertises and one that I don't even like.  The body I want is one that is athletic.  I don't want to be skinny.  I know that I don't want to be skinny.  However, after leaving that lab I fell back into that mental trap of, "I'm not thin enough.  I'm too fat."  

I feel that I'm not the only one that experiences these moments so I wanted to share mine with you all.  Now that I've had time to think about it and start my mental mantra of "I love myself", I feel better.  I feel almost back to normal.  I've come to realize these thoughts of "needing" to be "thin" may never go away, but I'm getting so much better at handling them.  

I think it helps as well that I know the body that I "think" I want isn't the body that I actually want.  I've actually asked my parents to tell me candidly if I start to lean towards the overly thin because that's not where I want to go and it's not going to help me prime myself for my future.